When things go south

Life doesn’t always go according to plan. A long-standing client drops us like a hot potato. A much-awaited promotion is deferred for yet another year. We are caught in the crossfire of office politics. A “sure win” vanishes. The rules of engagement in our industry change without warning. Our actions, even our innocent ones, come under the microscope of governance.

Joan Didion wrote, “You sit down to dinner and life as you know it changes.” We know that life is capricious. And yet, when we receive bad news in the workplace, we are frequently bereft of knowing what to do, how to think, and perhaps even how to feel. What we do in these moments will define us. Are we able to show resilience? Are we clear-headed? Or do we make matters worse?

Here are a few things we can keep in mind the next time we face adversity:

• Take a deep breath. Actually, take ten. Trying to make decisions when we are distraught is like flying an aircraft into clouds without any instruments. In a crisis, our decisions are hijacked by the amygdala, the primitive part of our brain that can only react with fright, fight or flight. It is woefully inadequate in dealing with complex problems in the workplace. Hitting the ‘pause’ button gives our pre-frontal cortex a chance to wrest control back from the amygdala. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain that has learned from life experiences and is in charge of “executive functions” such as thinking, decision making and problem-solving.
• Talk to trusted friends, colleagues and mentors. An outside perspective is invaluable when we are in deep trouble. Others will see things more clearly. They can challenge us to shift our thinking and see possibilities where none appeared before. They will urge us to respond with caution and care. Their honest feedback can help surface our blind-spots.
• Resist the urge to feel sorry for yourself. Assuming the victim attitude can feel comforting in the short term because it shifts blame outward. But a downside of this mindset is that it prevents us from accepting responsibility for what happened. It can rob us of the opportunity to reflect, learn and take action.
• Watch out for feelings of denial. This too can give us a little breathing space in the short term. But by pretending that everything is fine, we postpone necessary actions to remedy the situation and the problem may snowball into something worse. Denial can also lead us to bottle up emotions such as fear, anger and grief, that can surface more intensely later on.
• Avoid a spiral of pessimism and negativity. Pessimism can make us focus on worst-case scenarios and blind us to creative solutions. Believing that “nothing will work,” we may put in very little effort or even give up before trying anything. We will tend to see adverse experiences as only losses, not lessons. These two mindsets can push our friends and colleagues away from us, even those who want to help us.

Adversity at work is unavoidable. What defines us is not the setback itself, but the choices we make in its wake. If we can pause, seek perspective, and resist the pull of denial, victimhood, or negativity, we give ourselves the best chance to turn tough moments into pivotal ones.

How have you faced adversity? What worked? What did not? What did you learn about yourself? How did the experience shape you? I would love to hear from you.