Self-awareness

A few years back, Sam, a manager in a tech company in India, learned that he was not getting a much-awaited promotion. He felt let down and his first thoughts were, “I should quit my job. I worked so hard and yet I am not being recognized.” He knew that his highly emotional state was not ideal for making good decisions. He decided to talk to a friend to help him see things objectively. He came to realize soon that he cared deeply for the place he worked, the work he did, and his colleagues. He also realized that he cared for these things more than even a pay raise and a higher designation and made the decision to stay. He rolled up his sleeves and went back to work, deciding that he would take a call again in six months. I was happy to learn that he got his promotion within a few months.

In a different company, Rohita, who is driven and passionate about her work, was promoted to a leadership role for the first time. She was determined to do her best. She was methodical and meticulous and her diligence in keeping all her project metrics data up-to-date was well known in her company; she knew these were her strengths. She knew these qualities would stand her in good stead in her new role as a leader. She also knew that she wasn’t good at networking, something she would need to do to know what was going on in other parts of the company and the industry at large through informal conversations. She knew too that she wasn’t very comfortable presenting to large groups, something she would need to do as a leader. She engaged the services of a mentor to help her overcome her reticence and become comfortable in meeting with people beyond her own team and making effective presentations.

What both Sam and Rohita displayed is great self-awareness. Sam realized he was feeling strong emotions and this gave him pause. This awareness of his own emotional state helped him take a step back and decide with calmness a way forward that would be in his best interests. Rohita knew what her strengths and weaknesses were. Without complacency, she took the proactive step of engaging a professional who could address the areas she needed help in.

Self-awareness is a deep understanding of one’s own moods, emotions, strengths and weaknesses. It also includes knowledge of one’s own motivations, values, goals, needs, biases and impact on others.

Self-awareness is a key component of Emotional Competence. It allows us to understand our own emotions and manage them better, which in turn allows us to respond appropriately in different situations. It helps us understand why we do what we do. It allows us to make decisions that are aligned with our values, our authentic self. By knowing how our words and actions affect others, we can be more empathetic towards others. By knowing our own prejudices and biases, we are able to manage our behaviour better. By knowing what usually triggers stress in us, we can develop coping strategies and thus resilience in ourselves.

Leaders can build this quality in themselves by:

• Reflection and introspection. Looking back on what happened in a crucial moment, what we did, why we behaved in such a manner, and exploring what we can do better the next time is invaluable if we want to improve ourselves. They say that life is the best teacher; this is true only for those who can take a step back and reflect with courage.
• Asking for feedback. When we ask for feedback from those who have worked with us and want to help us, we learn how our actions are seen by others. We may even learn something surprising about ourselves – these are our ‘blind spots’.
• Assessing yourself on self-awareness. This activity can help you appreciate your levels of self-awareness and highlight areas that you need to look out for.
• Engaging a coach or mentor. You may want to work with a coach or mentor who can help you enhance your self-awareness considerably. Effective coaches do this by asking thought-provoking questions, challenging your assumptions and providing objective feedback.

Developing self-awareness is not a one-time activity. It requires a willingness to introspect and even face perhaps uncomfortable truths about ourselves. The best leaders I have worked with all had, and have, this quality. They inspire trust by their actions. Can you share examples of self-aware behaviour, both your own as well as of your leaders? I would love to hear from you.