In my last post, I described coaching and what it entails. I also wrote that coaching is not easy, that because of a habit of helping others with advice, we can quite easily fall into the trap of telling our team members what to do, in a directive way. There are many other things too that can affect our ability to be effective as coaches. Experienced coaches have learned to watch out for the below obstacles and pitfalls when coaching:
- Our own well-being. When done correctly, coaching can be mentally tiring. Leaders need to be sure that they are in good health and well-rested before they can coach anyone.
- Our own mood. We need to check in with ourselves on how we feel before we start any coaching conversation. Being emotionally calm will help us be more effective. The coachee will also notice our calmness and be able to open up and share better on what is hindering them. When a coach is distracted or upset, it can be quite distracting to both parties in a coaching conversation.
- Talking too much. Talking endlessly is the antithesis of what good coaching is. Some leaders appear to love the sound of their own voice. Such people lose the opportunity of listening and thus miss learning the truly relevant details that could be critical to a learning breakthrough.
- Wanting to impress. While it is human to want to create a favourable impression, great coaches control this urge and impress instead by listening. Giving names of psychology theories or going into the details of abstruse concepts can intimidate, distract or even annoy the coachee. This pitfall is closely related to the previous one.
- Wanting to control the conversation. This can happen when you wish to steer the conversation in a certain direction. Using leading and closed questions will unfortunately limit what the coachee can say. Remember that you want to give them room to explore their own thoughts more fully and thus surface any insights by them. If you do feel that the coachee is rambling, you can gently bring the conversation back on track with “I am quite interested to hear more about …”
- Assuming too soon we have the answer. When this happens, we will end up asking questions that fit nicely with our notion of what the problem is. We may unconsciously limit our range of questions and thus not build understanding.
When I am in a coaching conversation, I make sure my phone is on mute. I tell myself that I am coaching the person, not the problem. This helps me stay focused on the individual. What also helps prevent my mind from wandering – an occasional problem – is clarifying, summarizing and, if necessary, challenging through carefully-worded questions. These techniques keep me engaged, curious and, I hope, ultimately useful.
Do you relate to any of these thoughts? I would love to hear from you on how you overcome the challenges inherent in any coaching conversation.
Very pertinent points to avoid the coach’s personal situation impacting the coachee, Ravi. Consciously applying them in practice would require good amount of experience for sure.
Very good points Ravi. In my opinion – Physical, Mental and Intellectual Preparedness by a coach for a Coaching session, as one would in a Sport, Business Meeting or in an Executive Class is paramount. Balancing Time, Listening (lest it turns into a rambling session) and Involvement (attached detachment) are equally important during a session.
Don’t ever try to coach someone who is not interested in being coached and willing to take responsibility for his actions. If you do, you will end up doing everything that is not coaching. The coachee should be interested in setting a goal, setting actions and working on those actions earnestly to achieve the expected outcome in a timely manner. You can only be a facilitator. Don’t allow the role swap.
Excellent tips for coaches! Just to re-iterate, as coaches we need to ask the whys and listen non – judgmentally to any explanations given. Thank you, Ravi for another insightful blog.
Humour (not the American slapstick type), done gently n right (which is supremely difficult), from time to time is a good ice-breaker. Lightening up, not taking yourself too seriously, is key to being a good communicator, a good facilitator, which is what a coach is meant to be.